This beer is not sobering me up at all
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
