having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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