Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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