I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize