Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The police scanner is talking about you again....
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
