It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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