In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
