Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
