I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
