I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
