my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
