porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
