just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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