I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
