god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
