worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize