At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize