i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
