i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
