you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
