i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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