You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
