I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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