Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
