I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
