And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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