there's paper in my vomit.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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