i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
