we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
