I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
