oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
