remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
