apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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