What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
