don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
