What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
