It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize