if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
