Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
