Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
