those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Your cock deserves a montage
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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