hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Randomize
