you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The air was thick with penises
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
