My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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