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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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