If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
