i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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