dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
