Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize