k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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