The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
