is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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