Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
