my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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