I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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