Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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