no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
