Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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