He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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