cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
