Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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