why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize