I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
