i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
