Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize