my room smells like sperm. sweet.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
