i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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