i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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