I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
