I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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