I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
