I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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